Thursday, January 21, 2016

Tak Nak Kahwin ?

Dulu sebenarnya aku lah yang paling gian nak kahwin awal.
Five times relationship experience (termasuk cinta monyet zaman sekolah rendah).
Nothing to regret except the latest one.
I was fell for a very 'good alim kopiah' guy who was so so so tawadhuk zuhud nya and so 'islamic' lah.
After a year, I have to pretend like nothing happen, because full of regrets. to story about that? I don't mind, but it was too complicated which I don't know where to start.
So, I stop looking for partner-for-lifetime, because I don't know what I want from it.

I have mama dan ayahanda, A big family and friends.

Why would I need a boyfriend? Why should I get married?

If last time, nak kahwin sebab nak halalkan hubungan and nak bahagia, I just realised it was wrong (not enough),
cause now, I don't have any reasons why I should get married. Instead, I have big reasons why I should not get married, or why I should not give a damn about that.
I already have everything that I need.
And if I need a husband, Allah will send me one. why should I worried kan?

Mama dah worried,
rasa nak kahwin supposed to be a fitrah as a human.
Tapi aku di sini tidak menyalahkan rasa jatuh cinta, ya, aku jatuh cinta selepas lima kali bercinta itu,
tapi tidak sehingga tahap nak kahwin, nak dekat dengan dia, rilek rilek kawan as kawan biasa sudah lah kan.
Chill, I still like boys, love guys, aku bukan lesbian.

Aku cuma dah hilang gian nak kahwin. Dan rasa tiada keperluan kahwin.

Saban hari ini, aku bersedih,
aku seakannya baru sedar, terjawab soal mengapa harus aku menikah.
Mengapa perlu aku mempunyai pasangan hidup.
Mengapa aku perlukan seorang suami.

Rupanya, bukan semua orang betul-betul boleh jaga kita.

Mama ayahanda, dah tua, mana dah nak dengar telatah aku, cerita aku.
Mereka sedang kembali menjadi 'bayi', yakni aku lah pula yang harus mendengar mereka menyuap menatang mereka.

Adik-beradik pula, sedang ada keluarga sendiri. Tapi kadang-kadang, adik beradik sendiri tak faham kita betul-betul. Bukannya tidur sebantar sekatil. Masa semua kecil lain, dah besar lain.

Kawan-kawan lagi lah, ramai, rapat, tapi belum tentu boleh jadi penawar hati.
Cerita sini, diceritakannya pada sana.
Aku tak suka benda kecil diperbesar-besarkan. Atau aku sebenarnya tak suka sesiapa tahu fikiran aku melainkan orang yang betul-betul aku boleh. Tapi aku tak ada orang macam tu.

And yes, now, i feel like, literally have no one to hear me.
Everything I keep to myself.
And Allah.

Sekarang baru aku rasa, menikah itu benarlah sunnah, membina masjid mendekatkan lagi kepada Allah taala.

Bak kata Amitabh Bachchan dalam movie Piku (2015):
"Perkahwinan tanpa sebab adalah IQ rendah"

Now, I see the huge reasons why and I want to get married, but who?

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Kahwin Mahal Murah

Selama ni aku senyapkan saja, tapi isu ni makin membingit dan bikin menyampah.

Terlalu banyak kewujudan kahwin mahal,
aku rasa mungkin aku patut wujudkan sekali pendedahan kahwin murah yang paling dekat dengan aku. yakni...
Perkahwinan abang kakak aku lah. Aku belum lagi. Tapi aku boleh menyatakan apa yang aku rasa tentang 'kahwin murah' ni. Aku tahu risiko aku bagitahu ni nanti orang ingat senang nak kahwin dengan aku pasal murah? pfft

Ni bukan nak membangga, kalau nak membangga dah lama aku post benda ni dan aku kahwin. kalau ada emosi tu maksudnya marah ler dengan orang nak buat kahwin mahal ni.
k, tak apalah, lantokler apa orang nak fikir, tapi aku harap benda ni bermanfaat. chill, bukannya panjang sangat pun post ni la haii :p 

Cabaran untuk jelaskan betapa besarnya sebab patut kahwin murah adalah, aku dah lama hidup dan membesar dengan cara keluarga aku berfikir, maka ini membuatkan aku tak paham kenapa orang nak kahwin mahal2 ?!
Having a cheap wedding, you have nothing to lose.

Terus terang cakap, abang-abang ipar aku beritahu aku:
"Abang bersyukur sangat dapat masuk keluarga ni sebab semua benda mudah.
Abang rasa bertuah sangat.
Abang kahwin kak ila ayah bagi free kot
Tak ada hantaran. Kenduri ayah yang buat.
Sesiapa yang kahwin kamu ni memang bertuah."

But tak payah rasa diri murah kalau parents nak buat wedding murah.
Jangan letakkan maruah diri pada harga.
Perkahwinan ni memang murah, tapi harga kau adalah terletak pada diri kau sendiri. cara kau jaga diri.
Tak perlu takut.
Kalau kahwin dengan aku ni senang, dah lama dah aku pencen daripada membujang ni.
Ni susah nak kahwin ni pasaipa? Tu citer lain, post lain.

So, actually, buat je lah perkahwinan yang murah semampu kita.
Tak payah bebankan sesiapa.

Sekian


Monday, January 18, 2016

Taylor Swift

I still remember how Taylor Swift really affected my teenage life.

All her songs dragged me away to fairy tale world, on how we dreamed about our future,
living with our romantic love one.
heww...

dreaming

yet, it was like... became a reality.

This is how TS songs affected my teenage life, in making decision...

Each of her songs are WIN in describing my feelings...
and the lyrics tell me what I should do, how should I face this situation..
So, I follow the 'instruction', because the songs understand me.
That is how it's affected my life.
Badly.

I didn't know what she's telling me is a correct act or not. But it seems so right because the song understands me, my feelings.

"Love Story"
This is really a fairy tale. awayyyyyyyyy too high

"15"
was the song my older sister gave me when I entered a boarding school. ni touching. I kept repeating it the whole time I was there.

"Better than Revenge" song.
It raised up my adrenaline, my anger, emotion.
I thought I supposed to feel like that. So I did.

"Never Mind" song.
ergh, I thought I would really 'never mind' about the relationship, yet I keep repeating the song like I do mind actually. -_- . This song is nice, but it really blew me away. congrats TS -_-

"You Belong With Me" song.
Oh yeah, right after me and my family moved to a new house, I have a same-age-neighbor who lives just next door :3 lol

"Superman" song
The one that I kept repeating giving this to 'someone' because his appearance was described in the lyrics, "Tall, dark and..." he's really hardworking 'like a superman' . haha

"This Love" song
describes when I feel confused in the relationship. "Is this love is good or is bad?"

"Begin Again"
hahaha, when you feel like you want to start again after a fight. hha

dan banyak lagi -_-

Basically almost 90% lagu TS aku terhafal beserta melodinya.

Now I regret it.

Because I wasted my youth on this *********.

TAKE HER AWAY TO THE DUNGEON !